The house with the healthy stuff

For Halloween this year, Hamid's first, we were at my parents' house carving pumpkins (Hamid has been bragging all night that his came out better than mine) and opening the door for little costumed people. My mom, of course, had purchased a two thousand pound bag of junk food and with so few visitors in the neighborhood (there's a big Halloween something-or-other at a mall nearby) we were pouring handfuls into their little plastic jack 'o lanterns. I always hated houses that gave out raisins and other 'healthy stuff' but hard gelatin and sugar globs are not exactly my ideal either. I don't know what's happened to candy since I was small; the chocolate seems waxy, the tootsie's got no pop, and the gumdrops are just plain nasty. Or, maybe I've just grown out of believing these kinds of things are delicious.

Anyway, we finally decided to call it a night when one little girl almost started crying because I asked her what she was and apparently she didn't like my guesses one bit. With a major stomp of the foot the mini Rastafarian/Bob Marley/Hippie/she never told me what she was supposed to be stormed off and I started packing up our stuff to go home, nixing my mom's suggestion that we cart the remaining one thousand pounds of candy home with us.

The thing is, I left the lights on in front of our house all the way down the hill to the street below so all the tiny ghosts and ghouls cruising the streets with pillow cases full of sweets think we're open for business. At the first knock we panick, realizing we're accidentally guilty of false advertising, and Hamid gives them ice cream sandwiches. As soon as they leave we turn off all the lights but almost immediately hear a small fist at the door - it's pitch black outside and it's no short trek from the street so we rush forward and open the door with still more ice cream sandwiches to offer. I don't eat candy so there isn't any in the house and I start opening cupboards and drawers looking for something I can give people. Apples? No way. Frozen spinach? Cans of clam chowder? And the cans of tuna or V8 just aren't going to cut it either. Then I spot my stash of Clif Bars, ordered in the multitudes a week before we even left Nepal - I live on these delicious organic vegan treats, they are my saving grace when I start fiending for sugar.

With a healthy snack to distribute to our Trick or Treaters we whip out the carved pumpkins and light them up, turn on all the outside lights and sit, waiting. We are: the house with the healthy stuff.

It's better than raisins.